Kitchen Palavers
by kokopelle
Summary: "She almost killed you, playfully confused you, made you build mobile suit armies for life-size chess games, and left you at the altar at your own damn wedding. Yet the only thing that would make you realize she's crazy is her odd food choices?" Duo helps Quatre prepare a recipe. A 4xD installment to "Love and Other Explosive Items" series.


**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fanfics are not for profit.

**A/N:** Another installment to Love and Other Explosive Items and a sequel to "Etymologies". Like the other ficlets in the series, this is a standalone but would be a lot more fun if you read the others. See my profile page for the links of other stories in the series. Happy reading!

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**Kitchen Palavers  
**by kokopelle

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"Are mangled taste buds a default in the genetic makeup of every Earthling woman nowadays? I'm beginning to think something has gone really awry in their gustatory evolution."

Quatre would have laughed out loud at his friend's remark, but he was concentrating hard on not inhaling the horrible scent of the...stuff they are preparing. He wiped his brow with the back of his oven mitt and flashed a sheepish smile instead.

"That's the sole explanation I can come up with," Duo continued matter-of-factly. "I once visited Trowa at the Big Top and his sis made me try her soup. Right then and there I wished I had Trowa's infallible poker face. Every spoonful is a torture, I tell you."

"Catherine will _force_ you to volunteer for her knife-throwing act if you let her hear that, and she'll be sure not to miss," Quatre chuckled. "But at least Cathy's going for something edible. This pre-Colonial _thing_ doesn't look like it's even trying."

Duo hummed his agreement, crinkling his nose and eyeing the massive clump of dark brown paste in the bowl. He gingerly lifted the ladle and started stirring the thick substance. Quatre watched, grateful that his friend agreed to be here with him. It was only a couple of hours ago that he heard Duo was planetside to visit some of Hilde's relatives, and though he felt a tad guilty for having to interrupt his friend's trip, he desperately needed a hand. He was the closest help Quatre could get. Besides, it was a chance for a brief reunion.

"You said the Maguanacs introduced her to this?"

Quatre nodded. "I love the guys, but next time I see them I'll ban them from mentioning strange recipes in Dorothy's presence. It's getting out of hand. First, it's all raw oysters and chocolate rice with sun-dried fish. Now…"

"She must have tried them all out of a dare," Duo suggested.

"I'd like to think that too. But with this? It's either she expects me to let her eat something that smells like a forgotten, failed science lab experiment, or she's just testing me again. This is simply…" Quatre thought hard, then threw his hands up when he couldn't find the right word. "I don't know. _Insane_?"

Duo snickered at that.

"What?" Quatre asked.

"She almost killed you, playfully confused you, made you build mobile suit armies for life-size chess games, and left you at the altar at your own damn wedding. Yet the only thing that would make you realize she's crazy is her odd food choices?"

The blonde laughed. "Even without all those, both of us know we're kind of not right in the head the first time we met."

Duo sobered a little. "Was it your Space Heart?"

"No," Quatre said, lightly touching his chest. "Just my heart."

His friend responded with an uncharacteristically small smile, which Quatre returned warmly.

"I still can't understand what she wants with fish paste, though," Duo muttered, returning to the bowl. "You said she wants a midnight dessert. This doesn't look—or smell—remotely like something a normal person would eat for dessert. But we're talking about your girl here, so…"

"Actually, those are just _toppings _for her dessert," Quatre chimed in. "She had me dragged out of the office this afternoon just because she wanted me to make her some homemade ice cream. Indian green mango ice cream to be exact. She had all those Earth-grown mangoes handpicked by Ahmed this morning."

"King of sour snacks with hell-goo on top? Yum," Duo shivered. "And man, does it really have to be you? You here just add to the ingredients for making every dish worse. No offense."

"None taken," Quatre laughed, agreeing. "But it seems like whatever she wants to eat, she wants to make sure I'm the one who prepared it. She likes anything I make for her. Once, I tried to cook this strange Maguanac dish that she really loved, a tamarind-based chicken stew recipe. I didn't have tamarinds that time so I had to use strawberries and lemons as alternative. The others said it's awful—and I concur—but she raved nonstop about it. It was all she ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

Duo snorted. "All right, it's confirmed: love's not only blind, it wreaks havoc with your sense of taste, too. You sure she's not humoring you?"

"Since when did she start humoring people?"

"Since the day she fell in love with you."

The statement took Quatre by mild surprise. He was starting to say he didn't even know the day it magically happened when the subject of their conversation barged into the kitchen.

Dorothy swished in, yawning and taking in their appearances—their frilly aprons and fluffy mitts, Duo's crinkled expression, and probably the blush on Quatre's cheeks. "Oh, aren't you two cute?"

Duo grinned. "Good evening to you too, Lady Q."

"Sorry it's taking too long," Quatre said, rolling his eyes. "We're almost done. We just need to let the fish paste cool a little."

"Actually, the warmer, the better," Dorothy waved it off. "It's sweet that Maxwell here took his time to help you prepare this. Now, take it to the bedroom when you're finished and bring three cups with you, okay?"

And with that, the Lady of the house stormed out the little room and slammed the door shut. Quatre blinked at the closed door for a few long seconds.

"Is that an invitation for a threeway or…?"

"Shut up, Duo."

"She said three cups."

"Right. And I know better than to defy her now," Quatre sighed. "So how opposed are you to exotic gourmet adventures?"

"From a scale of one to Dorothy, I'll say I'll be wherever a good friend of her good husband will be."

"Thanks."

"'Sides, I don't think it'll be too bad. It's still ice cream."

"That's not what you said a while ago. With 'hell-goo' on top, remember?"

"Don't rain on my parade," the braided man chirped, taking the tubful of green treat out of the fridge. "You know one of the good things I learned here? That I'm not ready to be a soon-to-be-father. Crazy cravings of expectant moms will drive me nuts."

"Don't you get a lot of practice?" Quatre chuckled, putting a lid on the bowl of fish paste. "Every month? _That _time of the month? It's almost the same."

"Oh, that. Hilde doesn't get PMS cravings. She either breaks new backhoe dipper-sticks while testing the little guys around the scrapyard, or chases me around with a sledgehammer like an ancient superhero with a tool called meow-meow or something. I guess I'll still choose that over tongue-torture, eh?"

They both laughed and made to exit the kitchen. Before opening the door, though, Quatre stopped.

"Duo?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask one more favor?"

"Dude," Duo complained comically, "We're not done with this little torment for the night, you're already asking me to taste-test more of your wacky experiments?"

"It's not that."

"Well?"

"Well…can you and Hilde be godparents to our child?"

Duo arched an eyebrow, a slow, goofy smile dawning on his face.

"I thought to ask you via vidcall, but I heard you're on Earth, too. I thought it's perfect timing."

Duo broke into a booming laugh. "You're so bad at this, man. You could've just asked me, but you made me play chef with you here first before you tell me. Is that how roundabout you got when you decide to pop the question to Dorothy?"

"I didn't propose," Quatre countered. "She did."

"Seriously? Y-your chickening out got that far?" The guy was now shaking with unreleased laughter.

"That's not exactly chickening out. I haven't even fully confessed my feelings for her yet at that time, who would think she already has marriage in mind?"

"I am so going to ask her for the details," Duo said, excited all of a sudden.

Quatre heaved a big sigh. "So is that a yes?"

"Do you even need my reply? You can count me and Hilde as godparents to the little angel you're expecting now, and to all your twenty-nine angels in the future."

"We don't plan to have that many," Quatre said, but Duo was already waving him off, marching out of the kitchen with a wide grin on his face. Quatre himself was smiling too, but he was beginning to be a little exhausted.

This was going to be a long night.

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fin.

See you in the next installment! :)


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